Now...disclaimer. This is JT's list, so if stans have hatred, please put "ATTENTION: NOBODY" on your lil comments or emails. Now...without further delay...

10. Lisa Raye

Ok...she barely made it on the list, but what puts her at number 10 is her associations (and the fact that she's kin to Da Brat). From Benzino and that Slimy ex-husband Michael Misick to her recent affair with Ginuwine, she deserves to take a breif sit down before things get worse. It's bad enough she plays similar roles in everything she's in. Seriously. I can never get lost in her role. Seriously...look at her filmology. Not ONE movie that includes white people. She can sit on the bleachers for now.

9. Gabrielle Union

*sigh* You know...Out of all of the girls listed in the top 10, atleast she's trying. And I think I've given her the most chances. But...damnit! I CAN.NOT any longer. I must be honest and say that she looks awkward. She either looks like a muskrat, that she has Fire Marshall Bill lips, or that she gets her mustache waxed daily. Don't misread me. She is a beautiful woman, but I personally can't do it. And maybe she isn't a fake person, but her smile doesn't support the first part of my sentence. Now...her acting skills are improving, but if we can get her atleast ONE role where she tones down her "I'm independent, so I don't need a man. You gonna have to try harder than that to get with me" swag down, then she would be ok. Gabby, there's still hope, but until then...ushers, please escort her to her seat.

8. Kelly Rowland

Man...this one hurts me a lil bit. I didn't want to TREAT her, but damnit Kelly. The only way she'll constantly see success is if she puts a bookmark in the s section of the dictionary. I'ma give her the new nickname "Catch 22." She is a walking "lose, lose" situation. I've never seen this much slavery in music since the Jacksons were on 2300 Jackson St. She has been the constant field slave of Destiny's Child, and now that she's free, she can't get NOTHING started on her own. Whenever Solange can sell more than you, it's bad (not taking anything away from Solange). Hell, I think Michelle Williams sold more than Kelly's last album. She is just unnoticed. Even her breast implants did NOTHING for her image. Here boo boo...I'll bring your seat to you.

7. Karrine Stephens

The human garbage disposal. How do you live up to the fact that your moniker is SUPERHEAD? Better yet, how do you build a profession or a legacy off the name SUPERHEAD? Here I am, teaching my niece to work hard and go to college, while Karrine sucked her way to the top. SUCKING isn't a hard thing to do. Babies come out the womb with the concept of sucking. How did she become so famous? Shouldn't she have cancer of the mouth or throat cancer by now? Then that whole Darius McCray (aka Eddie Winslow) relationship...bwhahahaha. Jeebus! She wrote a book on how she sucked the industry dry (literally). Who's holding the stopwatch? I'm sure her 15 minutes should be up by now. Here's a lawn chair.

6. Megan Good

God...where do I start? First of all...just a few posts down, you can see why she's ranked where she is. Her acting is as entertaining as John McCain telling stories of his military career during a debate. She plays the SAME ASS ROLE EVERY EFFIN MOVIE! If the movie is remotely sleezy, Megan's agent is steadily on the phone, tryna secure her a spot on the cast. If Megan Good just left your store, you might as well settle for vaseline, because she probably bought all the lip gloss and applied it to her lips already. Who told her that lips and cleveage is the formula to success? Chair please!

5. Angel Lola Luv

If I lit a match in her presence, something on her body would shrink up like plastic. I was one of many lustful fools who was drawn in by her detachable body parts. She almost didn't make it in the Top 10 list, but what made her secure a spot on the list was/is her recent stint of a rap career. How can we take her seriously as a rapper when she was a video vixen? That's like a cameraman saying "eff this" and suddenly decides to be an anchorman on 60 minutes. Bish please. Here's 2 chairs. One for you, and one for your detachable body parts.

4. Christina Milian

You ever had that girl in your class who was cute, but didn't have the swag, and she knew it, but then tried to be something that she's not, and despite her cuteness, it just didn't seem to work? Waa-laa. Christina reminds of an accessory. Cute with something (or someone) but otherwise irrelevant. Her acting sucks ass. Her music sucks every other body part besides the ass. Tell the truth and shame the devil...her "Dip It Low" song only got attention because she was in her video half naked. If I'm lying, sing 2 lines from that song...*waiting* Why eff for tracks if you're not gonna sell 100 copies? Now, this recent bafoonery caused me to completely give up on her. A GOLD LACEFRONT? Seriously. Here is a wooden chair. Use it.

3. Rihanna

First and foremost, she only has a infant-sized spoonfull of hits. Her singing ability rivals a cat with its leg caught in a fence. Seriously. Name me 5 popular songs of hers. *waits* Even with the hits she received from Chris Brown, she still wouldn't have enough to make a Greatest Hits album. Her off-the-stage life is more interesting (and honestly, it's not all of that either). Prior to her getting her fore(teen)head dented by CBreezy's fist of fury, she was a big ass yawn. Sorry, I call a spade a spade. Here's your chair.

2. Beyonce

The most oversaturated, non-original artist in our generation. Now, before the stans write hate mail and post their comments, let me atleast acknowledge that majority of it isn't her fault (that's why she's not number one). She is highly talented and is probably the best singer, but damn it. I refuse to sit here and suck on her nipples as if she's has the best milk in the Creole world. From Etta James to Ciara, she has properly JACKED them. She has dissed Janet and married Jay-Z to solidify her spot in the limelight. Now, I can go on and on for days about Bey, but in that...I would remissed if I fail to point out her LACK OF ACTING. Goldmember? FAIL. Dreamgirls? Practically played herself...FAIL. Hip Hopera (with Mekhi Phifer) FAIL. Shall I continue? Bey...we fluffed your seat cushion.

1. Mariah Carey

Lawd. Lawd hammercy on a charmbraclet. Mariah is numbero uno on the list because she has disappointed me the most. Somewhere between the song "Emotions" to now...she must've hit her head on a bag full of glitter and fairy dust, because her ass is just looney. I really didn't pay attention to her life of FAIL until that MTV Cribs episode. Ditsy wasn't even the word. I mean...I really started to question if she had a brain. Then GLITTER happened. *blink* From there, I started noticing her antics on stage, such as pretending to hold her ear piece, to that traditional one hand in the air as she attempts to hit her traditional high note. Her recent marriage to Nicolas Cannon and their cornier-than-life media pictures solidified her spot as the reigning champ of FAIL. So with great honor, I present Mariah a bedazzled couch with fur trimming that reclines, and a bag of glitter and charmbracelets, and we collectively here at WYSU say...SATCHOASSDOWNBATCH!

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Kerry Washington - would've been in the top 10, but she's pretty, diverse, and a fair actor. If she can have at least one more "brotha" as a romantic interest in a movie, then she would be ok. And maybe tone down her "Joker-like" smile too.

Jennifer Lopez - Ooooohhh...she is sooooo luck that she is currently sitting down. Had this been 3-5 years ago, she would be number 1 on the Top 10. She is soooooo wack to me. Wack I tell you! WACK! Jenny On The Block? FAIL. The best thing recently she did was sit down.

Solange - if she didn't have a good album, she would be in the list. Her attitude, her "I don't give a eff approach to life", her attire, and her nose size needs to come down just a tad. Other than that, she has potential to get out of the shadows of her sister and NOT be known as "the OTHER Knowles child."

Vivica A. Fox - the fact that she is currently sitting down is great. The fact that she is probably sitting down with a surgeon hovering over her isn't great. I'm so glad that SOMEBODY told her to sit down after that whole 50 Cent thing. Her smart judgment has caused her NOT to be in the top 10.

Nicole Ari Parker - I've never been a fan of her acting, and for the longest time, I thought she had an Adam's apple, but maybe it's just me who thinks she looks like Grant Hill or her husband's brother with a wig on. Other than that, I don't have enough beef with her to put her in the list.

*blows hard and grabs a chair* Aight...man! *how do I even start this?* Aight...so earlier today, I got robbed. Well...not robbed, just taken advantage of by some lame high schoolers. I laughed at them as they took my iPhone because...1. it was insured. 2. Eventho they had masks, I recognized them. 3. The whole thing was just wack. So...when I laughed, they was like "Oh, so it's funny nigga?" Then I gave them the Philly SEOD, and they backed up (further causing me to chuckle more). I guess that iritated them because when I came back out later on, my car was vandalized. Not dramatically, but very noticable. Eh...that was insured too.

Surprisingly, that didn't work my nerves too much. Yeah, no iPhone and a vandalized car, but hey...I'm still optimistic. Aight...so when I entered the work place, ev-ver-ry body and their mommas wanted me to do something for them. It seemed as if everybody's arms got chopped off and I had the only two left. SMH. No "how are you this morning?" or "Hey bro!" or even a simple "Hi". It was "Hey...I need this..." and "Hey, can you do that..." I didn't make it to my office until 1:30pm (yes...I started work at 9am). The remainder of the work day...eh, it was off and on favors, and the time I had to actually work on things myself...it was so unproductive.

So...around 3:45pm (15 minutes before I clocked out), the secretary said that they (meaning the cops) caught the boys, in which my iPhone was returned. So...that was good news for all about...umm...5 seconds. I tried to make a call...FAIL! Then I realized that my SIM card was missing. So yep....that meant, a nice little trip to AT&T was coming up next. I decided to call before I went there. (good move JT). They promptly referred me to the Apple store, since they are the only ones who manufacture the phones and are the only ones who can fix it.

*now...all of that was said to prepare you for the BS that I'm about to type*


Ok...now I arrive to the Apple store, with a smile on my face. Looking at all the new devices from Apple. All I came in for was a new SIM card (which I didn't understand why AT&T couldn't give me one since it's a SIM card and not a phone part) *shrugs* Anyway, the associate said, "sure thing pal...I'll get you fixed up right away." I'm like good. It shouldn't cost me a thing. Just a SIM card replacement. While waiting, I was looking for a charger for my iPhone. Then my desire for a charger grew into a charger AND a phone case. Then eventually, I wanted a charger, phone case, and some headphones. All of that, total would've been $100. Heck...I got paid, so I felt good. (How good did you feel JT?) So good, that I looked at another iPhone and saw that it was only $199 for an upgraded price and was like, "hey...for an extra $100, I can just get another iPhone and give my current one to my wife...she'll like that." So, after 10 minutes of contemplating, I decided to do the damn thing and purchase the new iPhone.

*sighs, and then continues to type*


So...the guy is estatic and now super eager to help. He gets the new iPhone from the back, explains the new rate plans, and then proceeds to activate it. He gets partly through the activation and an error popped up. The guy says, "Do you have a past due balance?" I'm like...oh yeah, I can handle that. So I handled it right there on the spot and waited 5-10 minutes for things to update. Now...everything is clear and I'm good to go. He retries the activation. Everything is going smoothly. We get to the part where I sign for a new contract. I've been with AT&T since 1999, so I didn't plan on going anywhere. And so I sign. We get to the next screen, and....BOOM...another error. It tells me to call AT&T.

*now...let me pause the story to give you a timeframe. I arrived to the Apple Store at 5:05pm. By the time I called AT&T, it was 5:30pm.*

So, I get a rep on the phone in 3 minutes. I explained the issue. The rep tells me that I'm not eligible for an upgrade until 2010. *sigh* Here's the problem...I JUST SIGNED A NEW CONTRACT! How can I sign a new contract and get NOTHING NEW? How did the system allow me to sign a new contract if I wasn't eligible for an upgrade? How? Somebody tell me. Anyway, my frustration grew. I just wanted a solution. The rep on the phone (from AT&T) said that the Apple Store rep would have to reverse everything. UMM...HELLO? They only sell iPhones! So after relaying messages back in forth to the Apple store rep, then to the AT&T rep, I said "eff it" and handed the Apple store rep the phone.

*eff being a middle man*

So now, the Apple store rep is getting frustrated because the lazy ass AT&T rep is acting like everything in life is impossible. So the Apple store manager comes and get on the phone. By this time, it's 6:32pm. They go back and forth before the Apple store manager ends up talking to the 1st of 5 AT&T managers. In trying to fix this EFF UP, more EFF UPS happen. Since the iPhone he scanned to activate wouldn't activate because of this stupid error, he had to cancel out the transaction and start over from scratch. Now he has a newer iPhone to scan. Meanwhile the previous new iPhone that he scanned is now back on the floor to be sold. It was literally sold 5 minutes later to another guy.

*eff up #2*

The guy who just successfully bought his new iPhone tries to make a call. (PAUSE) At the same time, I tried to call my wife to tell her that I would be late, but I realize that I have no service (PAUSE) And at the same time, the Apple store manager realizes that he can't activate the newer iPhone because the previous new iPhone is still in the system as "pending purchase". Now...all three of those intenses happened at the same exact time, so it was almost as if you heard a collective "AWWW SHYT". The guy who got the new iPhone realizes that his number isn't HIS number. It was my number. It's ok...easy fix. Just give him a new SIM card. So...what's wrong with MY phone? The "new" contract (that I wasn't suppose to have) had me on the iPhone 3G plan. (What's wrong with that?) I have a iPhone 1st generation (aka "not a 3G phone").


*Time check: 8:05pm*

The Apple store manager felt soooo bad for this EFF UP (eventho it was mainly AT&T's fault). He was like, "look...if AT&T will allow us to scan a phone, I will give you a discount. And since they are saying that you're NOT eligible for an upgrade, you normally would have to pay full price for it, which is like $399, but I'll sell it to you for $99...only if they will allow us to scan it" So now, I'm like..."Lawd, please let them scan it! PLEASE!" I guess the Lawd was on lunch break. It's now 8:37pm and the 5th AT&T manager (who wasn't a prick) suggested that we should've went to the AT&T store from the jump. So...at this point...I'm like, "man...I just want my phone working so I can go home." So, after rescanning a new SIM card (like I originally came into the store for), I finally had my phone working. I had all my contacts, and the only thing I needed was my voicemail working. I had them double check to see if my rate plan was back to normal, and it was. BUT...BUT the only thing is that it still showed that I renewed my contract with them effective TODAY. I almost don't care because I spent way too much time with them. By the time I left the store, it was 9:12pm. Right before I left, the Apple store manager was like, "hey...I still wanna atleast give you something. Go ahead and get you $100 worth of stuff." That was brilliant because the charger, phone case, and headphones came out to almost $100. So atleast I came out on top of something.

I got home at 9:52pm. The End

*big sigh*