On Saturday I was coerced into going to a party with two of my best friends. None of us wanted to go but it was for my BFF's friend bday and she had to go. We just went for "support" and laughter. We agreed we would stay ONE HOUR and not a second over it. It started off ALL WRONG.

We were headed to Maywood, IL. for the party but none of us knew where the party was. I took upon myself to google the name in my phone. *ENTERS CLUB NAME DETOX* I couldn't find it. I got frustrated and told my girl I couldn't find it. She informs me, "No, it's spelled D'TOX." SEOFD That shit right thurr nigga told me what kinda night we were going to have.

We pulled up to the club....or should I say APARTMENT BUILDING (DEAD) and begin to look for a park. We were driving through the alley and from a distance it looks like a polar bear was walking on hot coals. All of us started dying laughing urging my friend to drive faster because we wanted to see WTF that was. This big gull had on white leggings, a black top, and some heels her big ass knew she wouldn't walk in. I swear you would have thought she was walking on glass. SMDH She was big and knocked knee'd, so the only space in her legs were by her ankle.


We laughed all the way up to the line only to have to stand behind the Polar Bear and her friend Refrigerator Perry. OH.MY.DAMN. this girl looked like she had on a football uniform with her broad shoulders and the way she was standing. We were trying our BEST not to laugh but it was a losing battle. Y'all...I SWEAR her "vest" looked like a bra. I bs you NOT! When we finally made it in the foolishness upgraded to 100%. Follow me because it's gonna go quicker.

As soon as you walk in you have to be careful because the DJ booth is RIGHT THERE and you'd eff around and knock over his table. To the right of him is the VIP area which was the size of a cubicle. How did I know it was the VIP area? Easy...VIP was written in white Christmas lights. *HOWLING* A few steps down was the buffet counter. It was a bunch of aluminum pans filled with soul food I guess. My issue was the counters were IN BETWEEN THE MENS AND LADIES BATHROOM. *DEAD AGAIN*


We get to the back of the party and this is where it gets ridiculous. Before we could even get in good the guys are jacking the shit out our sides. I mean, we're steady walking and they're steady trying to grab our hands to dance and grinding up on us as we're walking. WTF?! Once we got to my friends spot I stood there and refused to even move to the music. I was scared one of those fools would notice and think I was ready to juke. Hell all you could do was BLINK to the beat to be safe. Now this is where I have to start itemizing foolishness because it was just too much.

-I saw a girl with 1990 STACKS. I mean in real life, some hairdresser curled the HELL out of this girls stacks. LMFAO. I swear I thought I was standing behind Xscape.


-One dude had a MIRROR on his shirt. No, a full MIRROR. When Lil Boosie' "Wipe Me Down" came on I wanted to get in front of him and go in while checking myself in his mirror.

-Almost every big girl in there had on these dresses that were empire/babydoll shape in the front, but skintight in the back. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

-This one broad who kept sashaying her ass all over the club had a Monique body with Michelle Williams legs. SMH

-A group of big girls were dancing HARD when "Blame It" came on. One of them went as far as getting on the floor, spreading her legs, grabbing her ankles, and GRINDING. I swear I thought she was about to relocate the club because I really believed she moved us up a few blocks with all that pushing.


-I Spy'd a pair of MONONO boots! You know the throwback boots that looked like Timberlands with a heel. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-Snoop Dogg "Gin and Juice" Flannel made an appearance. Dude who was wearing it was in that bish sweating bullets. But it didn't stop him from dropping into that full split. *snaps for the kids*


-But this right here took the cake. I heard the DJ keep saying "y'all not ready for Pops. Don't sleep on him." And I was thinking who the hell is pops? Ladies and Gentleman...MEET POPS!






This 90 year man was SO PERVERTED. His night consisted of reaching out and lusting after all the young girls in the building. I couldn't believe it. I just knew he was going to have a heart attack. The crazy part is this fool danced the ENTIRE hour we were there. Viagra is a mofo ain't it?

All in all, this night was HIGH-LARIOUS. I thought I was going to a dance club and ended up at a comedy show. NOT BAD EH?! LOL