Now y'all know I couldn't leave y'all for an entire week and not give you a glimpse of the pure, unadulterated foolishness I experienced while kicking up carpet in the M.I.A. I have 3 highlights to share with you. I know, I know, its not much, but I don't have that much time in a day to tell you all the craziness I witnessed. Sue me.

WTF Moment#1: Me and the BFF were on the plane about 20 minutes away from Miami. I was already on edge with the bish to the left of me because she proceeded to eat sunflower seeds the entire ride. *SEOD* I wanted to crack her neck the way she was cracking those seeds. I mean what happened to common courtesy?! But no..that's not the half it of. The pilot let us know we would be landing in 15 minutes. Would you like to know what this batch did? She TOOK OUT HER CELLPHONE AND HAD A 3.5 MINUTE CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE LETTING THEM KNOW WE WERE ABOUT TO LAND.


I was past ready to take her out the game because she was tryna pop us ALL OFF. She ended that call and scrolled down her contact list randomly to find someone else to talk to. Now I had had it at this point. I proceeded TO ROAST HER OUT LOUD to my BFF because I wanted her to hear me and quit! More importantly, where the hell was the Nazi Stewardess when you needed her? Up there overdosing on stale pretzels and ginger ale. Anyway, we being landing and this heiffa had the AUDACITY to get all pale in the face, grab the arm rest until her knuckles turned white, and mutter "OMG, I HATE THIS PART."

OMG

I COULDN'T BELIEVE THIS CHICK. SHE HAD JUST ABOUT TOOK THE PLANE OUT SINGLEHANDEDLY AND GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK IN THE PROCESS BUT SHE WAS WORRIED ABOUT A FREAKING LANDING?! *Rolls eyes* I KNEW I was about to miss my whole trip because I was going to be in jail for dragging her scrawny ass all over the plane by her hair.

Nonetheless, we had a safe landing and to my delight she was green in the face when I looked at her to roll my eyes one last time. Served her right.


WTF Moment #2: We were at Sobe Live on Washington Drive. Shout out to the Promoter T for hooking us up with the free 99 entry and those nice bottles of Henn. He was cooler then a fan and we appreciated it. However, he could have warned us how crazy some of his people get. I was in a zone getting my Halle Berry on and juking to the numerous hits when the DJ put on a reggae DUTTY WINE song that "sent all [THEM] off into a thang" like Twista on Overdose. It was so many "BAK, BAK, BAK BAKS" being yelled and what not that your hips had no choice but to start twirling like a washing machine. Shitttttttttt, Patra who? But they were stopped QUICK like Que (from MTB4) trying to go into the Men's room when I partook of the visual fuckery below. This chick took her hair OFF to do the Dutty Wine.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted too. *Channels Martin" Let me get this right...you took off your hair, your tube top dress fell down showing your mosquito bites, and your dress went UP showing your panties? I AIN'T GON BE ABLE TO DO IT. I was too done after that. DEAD AND BURIED. I was ready to go meet my maker because I had seen it all.



WTF Moment #3: It was Sunday night. Our last club night in the M.I.A. and we were ready to PARTAY! We hadfreak um dresses and fugg em girl shoes..yeah it was ON. But lets be real. Nobody wants to walk in cute shoes. More then likely they HURT LIKE HELL. So we decided to hop in a cab since it was a $5 ride. Our cabbie told us since it was 6 of us it'll be $2 a piece if we wanted to ride. SEOD. We knew he was trying to get over but we said forget it.

But he was JUST getting started. He told us in his best African accent, "If you want to party there, you must first party in here!" He took off his baseball cap, put on his fedora and cut on a song I once loved but now hate...Jeremiah "Birthday Sex." He begin to put a show NONE OF US BOUGHT A TICKET FOR. Clawd it was so much gyrating and twirling in that drivers seat I thought I was watching Nvy69.


Of course I would have to be in the front taking majority of the fuckery. So what else was there for us to do but egg him on. We were screaming out our notorious "ohhhhhhhhhh" and "get down little daddy" further egging him on and taking pictures of all the foolishness.



My girl Fashionably Late put a stop to it when we got to the club because he was still shuckin and jivin with the music blasting and people were starting to stare. She was like "um...can you stop embarrassing us now?!"


Dead! I almost broke my heel trying to get out the car and not laugh in his face. So....yeah. This was the 3 highlights off my trip. If I can get through my alcohol induced amnesia I'll remember a few stories to tell y'all! lol